Emerging into my unique core expression as mother

For most of my life I have restlessly sought out different perspectives, strategies, beliefs that I could adopt and some how implement into my current structure of reality with hopes to change how I experience the world and myself in this world. It opened up different possibilities to consider and feel out. It brought a temporary freshness or excitement to focus my attention on until I found the next guru or modality to study and try on.

Sometimes it felt like it “worked”! It gave me a sense of courage, mastery, control over what moved in me. I could tally up “good” emotions exceeding “bad” emotions. I believed that this was the path to my own happiness and success.

My bookshelf became full.

I was living a pretty great life. I had a secure Income with a government job, a new thriving side business, I had over come a lot of personal obstacles and found many different strategies to survive. I journaled, reflected, meditated, took body-mind programs, hiked and did yoga!

When I decided to become a mother through adoption I truly felt my whole life’s existence had prepared me for what I was about to experience. However to be extra sure I dived deep into any book I could find on childhood developmental trauma, the brain science of trauma, strategies on how to parent challenging children who came from really hard places, and I took a lot of courses! I had a lot of time to become well informed as I went through the long process of becoming certified to be a parent with the government and the rigorous interviews from all of the social workers.

Fast forward four years……. When I brought my beautiful 8 year old daughter home, I discovered very quickly that all of the knowledge I had accumulated in my intellect was not going to be enough. I implemented all of the strategies and I knew the right formulas to handle the situations that came up and at that time I could manage “acting “ calm and confident with my skill set UNTIL ……. It just didn’t “work” and the “stress” Inside of me just could not be pushed down with the intellect anymore.

My daughter had just become the single most powerful catalyst to my own evolution and also became the most powerful Influencer/teacher I had ever encountered.

However back then, she was oppositional, defiant, non compliant, manipulative, grieving, raging, destructive and scared.

Today, she is a leader who already knows intuitively what it means to be an authentic powerful creator. Simply a shift in my lens and experience.

What changed? a lot! But mostly it was Me……. Her mother. I found a process to try that lead me from living only from my intellect to experiencing life in my body.

That shift although very simple in theory was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I went from wanting the chaos out there to stop to inviting / allowing the chaos to move differently inside of my own body while the outside was happening.

It was absolutely terrifying and yet was profound in creating space for my daughter’s fragile nervous system to start calibrating for internal safety in her own nervous system. It became the start of me learning what lived in me ,in my own nervous system and creating actual shifts in my own nervous system.

She needed me to model how to digest my own unprocessed/triggered information so that she could start rewiring for safety.

The process that happens naturally when an infant cries, a mother feels arousal, then softens into that and goes to meet her babies need. The cycle that creates a child’s experience of regulation and safety. Except she never got that and we were now currently at age 8 with a permanent caregiver that she just met ready to seek out the cycle she never got.

I was referred to Stela Murrizi through Louise LeBrun when I reached out after having an impulse to connect with her again after many years. It was one of those impulses that come up clear and strong. I had an incredible experience way back then where I had a somatic body experience that processed a lot of stored emotions and it was life changing for me. I never ever forgot it. Back then somatic work was not really heard of much as it is today. The WEL-Systems ®️ body of knowledge is ever growing and evolving and it has become a very powerful lens for me. It’s so much more than “somatic therapy”, it’s a way of life that creates healing and emerging moment to moment.

Being mother was not going to be the experience I wanted solely in my intellect. It was going to have to involve my whole self… in my body where the uncomfortable lives. Where the triggers from out there register in here.

It’s been a long road still trying to hold on tight to the old while trying out the new and it’s becoming easier.

Pretty much everything has changed , my daughter and I are cocreating a meaningful life now. There is space - movement - flow and the chaos that does present is now an invitation for more.

Healing is happening in our day to day lives and the growth has been incredible.

We are literally rewiring our nervous systems together and it has and still is a daily mindful intention to live this way. Especially when we have been conditioned to not live this way.

This is my unique path into my own deep authentic presence as Sarah and her new mom.

This is a platform for me to live out loud a life that might challenge others beliefs, it might irritate some and it might inspire some. Regardless it’s my life…… finally :)