Owning Unique

How can our kids own it if we can’t

“Mom!!! Take a picture, quick” she squeals as she spotted this unique one.

The subject of exclusion and inclusion have been upfront and center for me lately.

“ How do I “has become…. Who else do I need to become in order for……

And that recently has been for her to be unapologetically herself no matter what presents in her environments .

We are different. We are out in the world and very much ourSelves. Sometimes others share a warm smile and sometimes they glance as if we are breaking a social rule or sticking out.

We are and we do ! lol if my daughter wants to ride in the grocery cart she does. If she wants to verbally stim she does.

She is herself fully and I make space for that. I am myself as well except I might have stronger signal 2 and 3 dances from the years of tightening into it and masking.

When I became her mom, she was the permission for me to start taking off the masks.

Culture says don’t be too different- it makes others uncomfortable. They will call you weird. lol

I have come to discover that the only reason it makes others uncomfortable is because they were not allowed to be their full unique self. Somewhere along the way they were told who they should be in the name of good parenting. We are taught to put our attention on a scape goat when we feel uncomfortable sensations so we don’t have to feel it too much. I know this because I often have moments where I feel uncomfortable , then I get to reclaim a bit more of myself. Most others don’t even know that is a choice to do so, it is just reality.

When I go really deep into the nominalization of exclusion I find myself back in the mother wound. The process of cultural conditioning that starts at infancy when programming starts as you notice what the adults are doing around you, especially mom. You feel her limits where she holds her breath and moves away from her own deep impulses in her body. When she tightens and your nervous system calibrates that and remembers. As you grow and have an ability to express yourself you are taught what is appropriate and what isn’t, how to fit in and not be too much. You are essentially excluded from your pure essence in the name of parenting and being shaped to fit.

My programming is being digested and integrated in layers. It is never done and it is like a spiral as I keep experiencing a new aspect of it.

I feel it move in my neurology and my daughter triggers it.

I already know in my intellect the shoulds and better ways to understand it all. The undercurrent of my programming is where the greatest potential lives for faster shifts though so I don’t strategize away from it too long and sometimes I can engage it right away.

In a recent trigger I went in deeper to it. I allowed what was there to surface. It was a visceral memory of being excluded for being different. I noticed my strategy when I felt my fire, I would freeze and fawn to belong.

So when my daughter experienced exclusion it got triggered every time. Exactly where that lived. it wasn’t just mine either. It was generational. No, cultural!

It is the seed of ableism, compliance and control and separation.

it can be ever so subtle or it can be obvious.

We label it good and bad and right and wrong to box it so we don’t have to feel it too much. We all have it.

Some call it human nature- I call it human disaster.

To be taught to divert your attention out of your body when you are in an experience is the starting process of the disconnect. The exclusion of self.

It has been very interesting engaging this in much higher logical levels up from advocating in the environment level.

I have moved up to the 6th level and went directly into the mother wound I had no idea I even had lol

What I noticed in my daughter after I had that massive shift in my own undercurrent was that she shifted. All of a sudden she is in more flow and able to stay more present with herself. She all of a sudden doesn’t need melatonin to sleep, she is regulating more when she has a disappointment, she is including others more and not experiencing exclusion. What changed?

Could it really be as simple as me moving into my mother wound when I started to feel excluded? Cause it certainly seems that way!

My experience of my daughter comes directly from my filters which are created from my undercurrents. So it makes sense it shifted. Especially since she needs my nervous system to create safety pathways.

We get traumatized in relationship and we heal in relationship.

What I want for her (no matter what her challenges are)- needs to start with me first.

Where am I still masking, where do I need to Decloak and own my experience to dilute and integrate?

That will give my daughter permission to do the same! Apparently that is happening!!

I can’t not see it anymore. I used to pass it off as fluke.

Perhaps it’s a bit of magic ;)