Redefining COREGULATION at higher levels of thought

An experience of inviting and allowing "anger" to move and integrate and for both of us to emerge. The moments of choosing the belief that it is necessary and all intelligent.

There is a difference between staying in a story and starting off in a story and then moving into process deep inside of the body. Process to bring it back to Self and the emergence that is wanting to be created because we are always in this state naturally whether we know it or not.

It is never about another or a situation. Often the thing that is happening is a repeated pattern in some way or another and the charge under it is the familiar friend.

We can strategize to change what is happening outside so that we can experience a bit differently and move away from the charge that is trying to get our attention or we can stay present in each moment as it unfolds and focus on opening space in us so that the intelligence of the charge can actually have room to move and integrate.

One will keep recreating the charge and the other will shift the internal state in a bigger way then the illusion of moving away from it.

We have been taught if we can’t feel it then we have mastered it.

I have shifted my belief that if I can’t feel it then I am not expanding.

Feeling something and sharing it is part of it. Intentionally focusing on moving into and opening right into the sensation with the belief it is intelligent and necessary will literally change my life. It can take something really hard and shift that experience where I am not depleted at the end.

For example if my daughter is having a huge wave of anger move through her body for processing. I can be in that in many different ways.

I can try and shut it all down with behaviorism ( not acceptable behavior) and use language to slow it all down. I could sit and try and make my body calm while creating an illusion of some kind of suppressed support until the storm blows over. I could analyze what triggered it and how to prevent it next time.

or

I could CHOOSE to view it all as necessary and intelligent for both of our own evolution in that moment. For me that looked like sitting on the floor, reminding myself that the movement of fear, uncertainty, worry I was experiencing was all intelligent and this information had to move in her and in me. That looked like me validating that her experience of me was completely true for her and shifting into curiosity while owning that yes I have been caught in moments of behaviourism with her that didn’t feel good for her in the past and share that with her. For context she was spewing out judgements about me that I was lame and not nice. She was angry and said she hated everyone and everything. I didn’t pass that off, I found the threads that felt true for me of the new layers in my awareness. I owned them outloud. Yes I didn’t feel nice in moments when I was really frustrated during a huge wave she was having. I didn’t lecture or correct. I simply paid attention to what was moving in me and the thoughts that came up. My own self doubts surfaced. For a brief moment I thought how awful I have literally gave her the world and she is talking to me like this, how dare her. I let it go. Came back inside. This wave felt like it came out of nowhere. It made no sense. It was also necessary and intelligent.

I remembered the times I wasn’t allowed to just be really mad. I remembered the behaviour strategies to correct it, the unspoken message it was not ok or welcomed. I remembered times when I felt so angry like it was building and then a little thing was the trigger to let it all go. I gave her permission to just let her body do what it needed too and gave her permission to allow the wave of whatever was there to just move in whatever way she COULD in that moment. Even if that meant the verbal attacks. I sat on the floor with my attention deep at the base of my spine and was allowed what stirred in me to just move. It was all ok. This was going to integrate and we were safe.

It did. Eventually she told me she didn’t feel mad anymore. and shared that she thought I was an amazing mother and she didn’t mean what she said.

She already knew it wasn’t ok. The intensity of her wave was necessary and she was in it to her best ability.

The rest of the weekend was great! We had a lot of fun and interacted with a lot of people and we were both fully resourceful in our inner states navigating some “stimulating” environments.

It really is all ok.

It really is all about what lives inside of us and engaging it with any other belief will create a very different experience.

That experience years ago would of looked and felt a lot different.

She was reflecting things in my body from a long time ago. I chose to see that. The stories did present and I chose to let them go as the fire moved in both of us. As both of our nervous systems were activated.

To me this was the highest form of COREGULATION.

It was above a strategy and went way up into an emerging experience of Self.

Movement is life, why do we continue to make a story that is is not intelligent or wanted.

Eventually Fire will be integrated in her in much easier ways as she learns to trust what moves in her more and more. That will depend on how I show up in those moments with her because as parents we give them the context and permission in how we model it.

If I can’t claim the layer that I am on I always know I have other strategies I can choose to create and open more space……..however Movement is LIFE. I will never strategize to prevent or make it go away. I will create more safety to welcome it though so it not need be so uncomfortable in the resistance we create when our intellect battles with what lives in our body.

It is a process. It takes what it takes and it is worth it.