Shifting reality

Moving through new layers

Something that is in my awareness lately is how powerful staying in the tough moment actually is when you do so from the perspective of knowing you create it all. In that I know that whatever is stored and held in my nervous system from past experiences shapes how I experience it all. I also know that my body can integrate/process what is in each trigger very quickly when my intellect is out of its way and not trying to figure it out. I know that because I have tried it and created a practice of living that way.

While visiting family this holiday I was sitting there realizing how much my reality has shifted. Something that was barely tolerated for years. The parts of me that wanted to emerge in the dynamics of it all (especially after becoming a mother), had no where to move other than outward for awhile because of the intensity it all held for me. There was no safety in the preset status quo of the belief systems it held and yet I still created space for myself and my daughter over time. To show up now and actually enjoy my experience was very different for me and I realized that nothing really changed out there. It changed inside of me.

No one apologized, no one shifted strategies or beliefs out there, the only thing that changed was me staying true to the truth of my experience and focusing on creating space, digesting what presented, and continued choosing mySelf. Even when it held anger. Especially then. In the therapy model that would be looked at as “selfish” or fill in the blank. The labels we attach to the process of emergence. In the old context we are only left with who is right and wrong or how we can all find common ground. There isn’t much room for honoring the FULL expression of YOUR UNIQUE experience and without that transformation is impossible. You just manage it all.

To be in it and completely free is transformational. It took what it took. A lot of me choosing to not attend such gathers for a while. Me limiting the time and expressing hard boundaries around what is ok and not if I do attend. No one was right or wrong in any of that. For me it was a process of my own emergence in a family system that was not as flexible as I had wanted for me and my daughter.

I never got here from educating them on a different perspective. I got here from staying true to mySELF.

This applies to all areas of my life. My relationship with my daughter brings up lots of different triggers and layers.

Somedays frustration is present and somedays it flows more.

Belief structures in our family unit are not static. They are always in motion and our bodies lead while our intellects choose as we learn to honor the truth of our own experience. Even when that conflicts and creates tension and stress.

I will never get permission from others to be fully in my own truth of the moment and invite the full intelligence of what is there to move before I make a choice.

That is something I had to just give myself permission to do in each layer. It is something I have to give my daughter even when the history in my body says it should be a certain way. It stirs fears of not belonging, not being loved or accepted and yet those fears that we label signal 2 and 3 are essential to dilute and integrate the charges that are the very life force that we ARE. Without it we don’t transform. We manage our reality in status quo.

Transformation feels very different then managing status quo. It brings deep meaning.

I felt deep meaning yesterday with my family. Something that I have not felt like that before. Something I didn’t think was even possible to be honest.

and it had NOTHING to do with them!

Their experience of us has nothing to with us and is actually none of our business lol.

Not something you typically talk about in therapy lol

Quantum models provide more potential for growth and it can be rocky for a bit as you learn to trust what moves deep inside of you. But when you experience the power of it- You can’t ever not know what you now know.

The beauty of it- my daughter stayed completely regulated the entire time and so did I! We both showed up fully as ourSelf and we created OUR OWN REALITY.

It didn’t have to be about us and them either…….. which was really beautiful.