The space between the declared boundary and the next choice point

Dissolving strategies…… discovering the more that was waiting behind the “problem”

Declared boundaries that come from a clarity will vibrate and awaken

It will trigger movement because it’s essentially a pattern interrupt in the field .

It’s a reprogramming

For that the info must move!

Our rules for that movement will determine our experience of it. It will determine how the info reorganizes after it settles or becomes metabolized.

I am noticing my conversation with another in that is different. I am different. It’s a softer declaration that is strong but doesn’t have the old aspects of control and fear it used to. It lands differently.

I can move enough to have it be about me and not them anymore. I shared last evening that the issue was just what it was and it contained a choice of what will I choose. The charge was all mine!!!!! It contained so many old layers that were focused around caregiver expectations and family hero strategy. It was a process to become more individualized in the context of relationship. Only having an old blue print, a charge that said it was time to shift and a person in-front of me experiencing this! I was worried how it would be received and that fear created a standoffish facade. I was scared to actually feel what was behind it fully. What if they leave?

Abandoned for daring to be my truth out-loud in my own process of emergence with a person that I valued in my life. I could feel myself wanting to make him less than and wrong as the movement got my attention and was asking for permission to move in me. Then I felt myself feel shame for those thoughts and I kept following it. I kept decloaking what exactly was coming up for me and my process including revealing my fears!!! My experience changed . It softened. It became even more about me and less about him. Not in the sense of who is right or wrong , it was about being able to have my own experience and respect that his was equally as real and true for him.

More fears came! More truths that I can no longer relate the way I used to. It is just too small and it has nothing to do with him. And there is nothing to change or fix

Just a deeper respect and trust in it all.

My boundary has not changed because it was not created from control over another.

The charge around it has

I was able to listen to his experience revealed of it all and my boundary. An open discussion on how challenging that boundary was for me because it contained so much other stuff that had nothing to do with him. I AM THIS process and here it is on the table so there is no where to hide and strategize.

Only because I had a powerful mentor who called me out on all of my own strategies and bullshit. So that I could finally do that for myself. Not as in I was doing it wrong- but trusting my body already had it right and I could learn to trust it.

It WAS a Powerful conversation that opened up huge space. New ideas came about how to navigate the “issue” in more creative ways that were just not available in the beginning. New pathways opening and a recognition that sometimes taking action on your own behalf is scary!!!! Not taking action though can have worse consequences. These were ones that I was not willing to chance. It’s ok that his reality of that is different. No one is wrong.

I have moved away from a lot in my life thinking it was best when I hit big challenges and big charges concluding it was bad or wrong for me. It took me a long time to engage it differently and actually move towards what was calling my attention deep in me without compromising my self for the sake of caregiving a relationship. For the sake of hiding from a deep discomfort that I have spent a Life time avoiding one way or another and blaming another for it each time it manifested in experiences. Or worse, concluding there must be something wrong with me.

It found me today. After I noticed myself in familiar strategy. The pain in my power Center in my body. It was throbbing with an old deep sadness. No idea what it was originally from but there it was. It was familiar and never allowed to be there for long. I took a deep breath, softened everything in my entire body and leaned back right into a surrender into it and tears came and I kept going until it was done. It was the most I have ever trusted my body to handle it.

I know I am on new territory now. The end result is irrelevant. The experience of me living my signal 1 -authentic essence mixed with everything that lives in my neurology - is ALIVE and very much here now. In that, everything that isn’t that is digestible and easily recognizable. I could weep in the recognition of that alone. The power.

This is no longer a life to master

It’s become a life to really live now.